Hi it is me.
Blogging tonight while putting on a mask and pondering about what’s going to happen in 3 day’s time. Can’t believe the things I pushed away to make room for it and yet at the last minute this week, I’m piling jobs up.
What am I doing? Why am I running?
Should be glad it is happening so soon, should be determined to not let this time go so easily. Making sure I won’t let the previous mistakes repeat themselves.
But also brings me to the fear of not succeeding this time round and have to wait a very long period of time before I get another chance. I HAVE to succeed. This pressure is so unbearable that every day every moment, it is at the back of my head no matter where I am, what I’m doing, who I am with, I can’t help thinking about it, being afraid. I cannot stand the fact that this is a 50-50 chance.
I wish there can be some sort of an assurance. But I had far too much false hopes and complacency the last time and I’m just really afraid right now. What am I going to do?
What to do on these sleepless nights? Distract myself forcefully and try to get some sleep for my health and skin. Run every night to rid bad thoughts and keep fit. How long more can I hang on?
Just 3 more days.
I need to get my shit tgt and mentally prepare myself.
There’s no turning back, no procrastinating, no escaping.
I’ve to face it. Bravely.